my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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