I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
