ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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