Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
