y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
