david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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