Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
