3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
