i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
