im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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