you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
