The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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