Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
