Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
