at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
