you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
