dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
