If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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