Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
