"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
