I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
