How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
