ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
