I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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