Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
