im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
