I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
