wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
