Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
