the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
