he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
