I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
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