Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
