Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am naked and annoyed.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize