that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
