have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
