Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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