I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
