i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
