Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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