My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
