I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
