So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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