His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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