My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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