i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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