I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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