Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize