I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
