i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
