I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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