I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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