Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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