Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
