Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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