Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
