btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
