I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize