for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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