He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
