I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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