Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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