You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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