Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize