Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need a burrito and a hug.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
