I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
