I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
