there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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