Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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