My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish my penis had a tongue
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
